Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
尸体的脚也不忘记帮她扶正，也算是强迫症了。
救命，太可怕了，让人当场取消alist再也不想为了薅羊毛强行去电影院。颜值萎败（+演员本人debuff）的阿米锤演这么个莫名自带性瘾魔咒的男狐狸精谁吃得下呢，所有完全不性感的公共场合play都使我满脑乱ring“why dont we do it in the road”来缓解恶心感；金字塔特效过时得我全程惦记没打完的刺客起源，镜头和光影和剪辑全部业余得令人叹服。剧本做了一些干瘪死板的耸动改编，点缀了零零星星的white supremacy凝视和说教，头尾拧成了徒劳自恋的波洛故事尴尬补完。（以及我实在不想再听英国演员凹法语口音了，jane birkin也就算了，这么多年过去了何必何必）
尼罗河风光大好，妹子们都好靓，波洛和嫌犯玩起吴宇森式拔枪对视，然后为泡妞先把胡子蓄起来再把胡子刮了，附带LGBT一下，种族问题一下，贫富阶级一下，大家来探讨爱情是什么哈……跟上一部《东方快车》差不多的样子吧
也不必为自己加那么多戏，侦探是需要一些神秘色彩的，实在过不去导演你可以自己创作一部波洛传，然后把阿婆宇宙中的案子融入进去，说不定还是一部有内容的电影。对比前作，当然是有钱来制作尼罗河上的风光了，但是也带来了弄弄的广告感，随时随地让人误认为是什么香水广告，娜塔莉波特曼查理兹塞隆他们从广告片场跑进这部电影也毫无违和感，演员们的表演痕迹都很重，他们太像排演一部小品来讲这个故事了，这个故事第一的位置不是惨案，而是每个人的人生状态，因为你是个人才惨，不是你惨而变成人。这对经典的三角恋的人选我都不太满意，很像美剧的思路，阿婆笔下催人泪下的爱情没有被展现。对于我爱的贝宁的表演，我想说，我大概明白了这部电影为什么需要你，因为重场戏处理得确实不错，但是你为什么要演这样的电影，我不想去多想。
绿幕河上的招魂！波洛的自我批判「I’m vain」像是导演歪打正着的刀尖向内，加朵和汉莫两位浮夸演技油腻程度不相上下的爱情抓马仿佛是大型反好莱坞广告，而好莱坞一切定义商业片的元素都被三脚猫的手法七拼八凑成起航都有风险的漂亮纸船，单拎审判每一步骤都及格，但组装成型却是灾难。塑料质感的布景和特效连满足国门封锁当前银幕豪华出国游的爆米花基准也做不到，混乱不堪的叙事流程浪费一众大牌，更别说导演为了服务自恋宗旨硬是杜撰了又臭又长的侦探前史，大有意欲拓展电影宇宙的野心，其实根本不及他作为演员打造的维兰德这个形象的皮毛。越严肃越搞笑，本片的滑稽很大程度上源于导演本人像对待莎剧角色一样处理蹩脚刻奇法国口音神探的业余cosplay效果，好比退休的爷爷突然狂热投入南北战争角色扮演，好言相劝不如一句，你开心就好。
五分水平，因为东方快车折戟，仍不思悔改乱拍阿婆，减到四分，折合成两分。场面宏大浮华又虚假，有效宏大场面是从尼罗河到泰晤士河的相似转场。
看之前我很疑惑，就照着原著拍，能有多难看，事实证明导演太有自己那些不着调的想法是真的会毁了一部电影。什么波洛的感情线，什么波洛变身小李飞刀（菜刀），还有那些歇斯底里的表演和垮掉的节奏，真的让人超级疑惑，可别告诉我还要拍第三部啊
开头仿佛1917长镜头既视感，整个故事唯独这段黑白片可要可不要，和兔兔看到订婚宴会时就猜中了结局啊
Kenneth Branagh版《東方快車謀殺案》已經是我對阿婆作品魔改的極限了，而他卻還得寸進尺，於是，史上最招人煩版波洛誕生了，如果說能夠把《尼羅河上的慘案》拍得像《小時代》算是一種成功的話，那他是相當成功，不好好拍懸疑，也不好好拍推理，卻給波洛瘋狂加愛情戲，主次不分，是只想給自己的角色加戲。最後，送給Kenneth Branagh一句話，你他媽給我離阿婆作品遠遠的，我能夠接受繼續翻拍的唯一理由，那就是Kenneth Branagh被開除！
拍得是nmlgb。同性恋、黑人加入，拍得稀烂
真是加了好多莫名其妙对剧情毫无帮助的导演的“小巧思”，实际上让电影变得冗长无聊且缺乏重点
毫无疑问肯爵爷是个波洛迷，在众多影视版追求“探案”大主题时，肯爵爷和BBC都不约而同的为这位举世闻名的波洛探长安插感情戏和心理戏份，追求人物的塑造，但却丢掉了波洛原本的模样，纯纯的跑偏了路，而现实口碑也表示了，观众更喜欢那个滑稽、博学多才的小老头，而不是苦大深仇的大胡子保镖。影片和上部一样，服化道上下了功夫，质感十足，但缺点也一致，缺乏探案剧的核心“推理与侦破”，完全像是过家家一般，同时与四十多年前的老版相比，片中的人物无趣且滥情。肯爵爷自己确实演过瘾了，但观众受罪了。
不知道都在说点啥……稀碎这个剧情……也没有什么高能……
还可以吧，推理悬疑感没那么丝丝入扣，但是观赏感还是合格的。绿幕感有点强，不过整体美术服化道还是不错的。其实才疏学浅的我也没太懂为什么大家对Kenneth的风评这么差。加朵凹了一下埃及艳后Cleopatra造型有点突兀了，与那位演歌唱家的女演员曾经在话剧舞台上表演的Cleopatra相比那真是相形见绌（就怪不得看电影的时候觉得她那么眼熟呢）。
杜比影院，盖尔加朵全程颜值担当，可惜就半部戏的戏份，演完神奇女侠身价水涨船高了。没看过小说但是猜到了凶手，中间有几个jump scare，穿插一些旅游风光宣传镜头，总的来说还算挺有趣的，不妨一看。（ps：这可能是艾米汉莫最后一部戏？）
看之前我很疑惑，就照着原著拍，能有多难看，事实证明导演太有自己那些不着调的想法是真的会毁了一部电影。什么波洛的感情线，什么波洛变身小李飞刀（菜刀），还有那些歇斯底里的表演和垮掉的节奏，真的让人超级疑惑，可别告诉我还要拍第三部啊
盖尔加朵真的和taylor swift长得一模一样……平铺直叙，台词现代，质感奇怪，差点意思。
也不必为自己加那么多戏，侦探是需要一些神秘色彩的，实在过不去导演你可以自己创作一部波洛传，然后把阿婆宇宙中的案子融入进去，说不定还是一部有内容的电影。对比前作，当然是有钱来制作尼罗河上的风光了，但是也带来了弄弄的广告感，随时随地让人误认为是什么香水广告，娜塔莉波特曼查理兹塞隆他们从广告片场跑进这部电影也毫无违和感，演员们的表演痕迹都很重，他们太像排演一部小品来讲这个故事了，这个故事第一的位置不是惨案，而是每个人的人生状态，因为你是个人才惨，不是你惨而变成人。这对经典的三角恋的人选我都不太满意，很像美剧的思路，阿婆笔下催人泪下的爱情没有被展现。对于我爱的贝宁的表演，我想说，我大概明白了这部电影为什么需要你，因为重场戏处理得确实不错，但是你为什么要演这样的电影，我不想去多想。
属实没必要，不知道布拉纳哪儿来的自信拍这种人尽皆知的阿婆作品，尤其首尾来了段波洛小胡子的秘密以及如何重建自信，明显是想给自己加戏，加朵接这个角色就是为了那段埃及艳后装扮吧，汉莫现在形象越来越憨傻了，推荐科恩兄弟拍无厘头喜剧时找他演蠢蛋，前女友那么小丑女，怎么可能不是个狠角色。
能根据海鸟来判断风向，也能根据颜料推断凶手。欲望是如此可怕，爱情是如此危险。沙漠中浪漫的尼罗河有着致命的诱惑，引诱铤而走险的亡命鸳鸯在轮渡上表演。真相又是如此明晰，船上没有复仇的旧爱，只有贪婪的演员。波洛自然看得懂一切，用胡子当面具遮盖了伤口这么多年，世间情事，大抵都浪漫而凶险。
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